facts of brilliance are not always nice

let us hope we're not geniuses, for the sake of those around us

Chuggens 4 life

That's right, chuggens be up in this piece.

minutes. monday. june 27, 2005.

darn it!!!
i just wrote up some kickin minutes and then lost them with the click of a mouse button and now i'm SO FRUSTRATED so i will edit this later and make it really contain some notes at that point.
f. f f f.
**********************************
okay. better late then never?

* as siri is about to preface her story beth says, "do you remember those jeans they sold at kmart in the late 90s? NO EXCUSES!"
* "raccoons are tidy eaters." - beth (i remember when originally typing up these here notes i had to look up that first word and found that it can be spelled either racoon or raccoon. sometimes i wonder if all words should be more like that)
* "a miss havisham thing." - siri, summarizing what SR is saying about her piece
* siri, in talking about her story, explains some of the ways she tried to make her young character at first come across as being much older....
"what 29 year old owns a house?" "i've never made more than $12,000 a year." now starting to laugh maniacally. "i have to laugh or i'll cry."
* ***on this day, steveross submitted to the freakin new yorker.***
* "the language flows...much like the dancer." - siri, to SR
* "it's sort of like tetris" - beth explaining how she approaches short-shorts - keeping track of the word count and whittling it down while still composing it
and finally....
* somehow mention of a "soy cow" comes up (as the source of soy milk. duh.) and siri tells sarah about the subterranean cow lodge...under the family swim center where the soy cow lives. this amuses sarah enough to include it in minutes.

What's that sound? Thunder? A new writing assignment?

HURRY! Or not, but check out maisonneuve because the articles are neat. And if you act fast, well...
How Popular Were You (Really)?
Geeky prodigy? Leader of the pep rally? We want to hear about it.
First Prize: $100, plus Publication in Maisonneuve No. 17 and a year's subscription.
Second & Third Prizes: Publication on Maisonneuve.org and a year's subscription. All other entries may also be published online.
Details:
1. 8 to 800 brilliant words in poetry or prose.
2. Deadline: July 1, 2005.
3. Send your entry to submissions@maisonneuve.org with the subject line “How popular were you (really)?” or to Maisonneuve, Attn: How popular were you (really)?, 400 de Maisonneuve West, Suite 655, Montreal, QC, H3A 1L4 CANADA. Please make sure that your entry includes all pertinent contact information (email, phone number and mailing address). The winner will be announced in Maisonneuve No. 17, on newsstands September 16, 2005.
4. Please note that Maisonneuve accepts a maximum of one prose OR two poetry submissions to each Memo contest.

drugs make science?

from clive thompson's blog, collisiondetection, which is excellent.
Francis Crick, deadhead
This is intriguing: Apparently, Francis Crick was on LSD when he conceived of the double-helix shape of DNA. A story in the Sunday Mail reports on Dick Kemp, a British biochemist who in the early 50s experimented with synthesizing TCH and hallucinogens such as LSD. One of the Kemp's friends, Garrod Harker, told the Mail reporter about a fascinating conversation the two once had:
"Dick Kemp told me he met Francis Crick at Cambridge. Crick had told him that some Cambridge academics used LSD in tiny amounts as a thinking tool, to liberate them from preconceptions and let their genius wander freely to new ideas. Crick told him he had perceived the double-helix shape while on LSD. [snip]
"Shortly after, I visited Crick at his home, Golden Helix, in Cambridge. He listened with rapt, amused attention to what I told him about the role of LSD in his Nobel Prize-winning discovery. He gave no intimation of surprise. When I had finished, he said: 'Print a word of it and I'll sue.'"
This may not be as surprising as antidrug conservatives might imagine. Cutting-edge scientists have a long history of using themselves as guinea pigs to determine the effects of new chemicals; they're also intrigued by anything that can help them think better. Put the two together, and I'd imagine a pretty large number have tried LSD and Ecstasy, which are renowned for producing philosophically unique states of mind.

moleskine

tonight i de-virginized my very first moleskine journal (thanks sarah!).
i am in love!
it is clear to me now after two pages that once you go moleskine you never go back....
i know this is not the nhic (new haven investment club) but i must suggest that we all buy stock in the moleskine company (i'll bet steveross, intrepid investor and vocal moleskine aficionado, already owns some).

I am impressing everyone at this rejection party

Dear Ms. Writer:

Thank you for submitting your poetry to iris. Your work has been considered carefully by our editorial staff, but unfortunately it does not meet our needs at this time. As you know, we do only publish twice a year and therefore we must reject a great number of worthy poems. We wish you success in placing your piece elsewhere, and thank you for your interest in iris.
All the best,

G. W.
Coordinating Editor

McSweeney's Loves to hate me

Hey Beverly,

Thanks for sending this. I think we're gonna pass, though. With a pink, cozy smile,
jordan (from mcsweeney's)
(here is the poem)

Fun Squeeze Parkay in "shocking pink"

What alignment of the planets, what satellite messages of mysterious origin
led the good people in Downer's Grove Illinois, at Parkay Headquarters to this—
a pink squeeze bottle that dispenses a sort of margarine product
so grotesque, so unnatural, so cheerfully pink
that the corner store feels compelled to carry it complete with a terrifying picture of a waffle
adorned with a pink, cozy smile?
(If this is not a sign of the coming apolocalypse what is?)

cartoon interlude

sandwiches
fashion
sweatervest
oxen
car trouble
tricember

these guys are married I think and the lass nataliedee, has a website and a dairyland page, which is awesome because it is what I always do, spell diaryland wrong.

oh wait...it just gets better! check out the annual t-shirt contest winners, and the hilarity of the commentary. this is such a waste of valuable work time!

birthday minutes.

so much for me as stenographer.
i failed to do any minute-minding during this past NWHC meeting (monday, june 20, 2005, year of our lord). i was heavily involved with the newman's own limeade and gin (which caught up to me and turned me into a zombie, part of which you can read about here) and therefore was unable to perform my duties. fortunately, miller used the typewriter to do some documenting (see chuggens for some direct quotes from conversation). i feel a little threatened. has my position been usurped?
we decided to forgo the "official" NHWC meeting for a birthday party, but it's in our blood. it's in our mitochondrial dna. we can't resist talking all literary and shit. a typewriter was set up - two by the end of the night - and we did some spontaneous writing, exquisite corpse style. and some of our guest members even contributed. gracing our presence that evening was....
robin. pure awesomeness. unfortunately, she had obligations to such things as work and sleep, but she was there to launch some ships and candles. she did not write, though. maybe next time.....
lafe. who knew he was a judo madman? certainly not me. i've never seen someone so in control of being out of control before. it was fascinating. he made the first brave venture into the pool. by choice. and he joined our typing antics.
miller. after cleaning everyone out at poker, miller finally graced our presence. (actually, now that i think about it, this was, in fact, miller's second writers' club appearance. the last time he was there at the beginning, making us all goofy and then getting out of there when it was time to get down to business).
honorary members, we welcome you.
as for minutes....well, i think the pictures and poems say more than i could.
next week, it's back to work for us (i think beth, especially, will be relieved to read that). so far she's in the lead in our rejection letter contest. that's what happens when you're the only one submitting anything.

need a plot?

yesterday, siri and i were talking about using news of the weird pieces to inspire stories. (a little funny, since in searching for my personal essay on old disks i found the story i wrote using this method). but then there's this. plus it's just plain amusing.

june 13 minutes (acrobat-style)

view the wacky steveross drawing and menu here

exquisite corpses pile up

peeps, here are the writings from jun 20th. they are adobe acrobat files.
rocket to 29
wishes
martika
resume
dna
portend
tart
trouble
urfa
chuggens
[contributors were: sarah, steveross, siri, beth, lafe, miller]

rocket to 29

check out the (incomplete) rocket to 29 picture gallery.
--------------------
also here is the pitkin plaza gallery

almighty submission

a while back, sally asked me to tell y'all where to put it, and by "it" I mean your excellent stories & brainy creations. Your assignment for next week, in addition to other works entitled "rocket to 29" or "be somebody" or "p.t.t.o.t.d.: reflections" is to submit something you REVISE in some fashion, to one of these places. I am hoping at least one of you chooses the new yorker. write on, mighty drunk club, write on!
the whole scoop
less than 500 words
around 200 words
diagrams are cool
former classmates, doing their thing
perchance to dream
florida, and they have rejected me!
npr, i dream of thee
love the name
read a good short story here
the advice of diagram on others
hot site, sharp poems
they put out a hottt looking lit mag, in addition to my smutty chapbook

those frisky polish plumbers

thanks to my lady alexis for this bit of european genius, via the BBC

reunion.

photo credit - mk.

on the subject of lists...

a list of things that don't exist

43 things

you must go here and have your mind blown.

watch it.

word wars... excellent.
thanks, beth.

oh my goodness, pure goodness

Yes, I tell you to go to a lot of linked spots. So, I just learned how to put links in and it excites me, do not judge. In any event, I have just come upon two very exciting and excellent sites. Great personal essays, including one by this awesome ladyand many other good ones, plus the site design is pretty rad. And then this led me directly to the good lady's site which is here...

jill solowayabout courtney cox's asshole

and if that isn't enough to make you read it, I don't know if I can continue to be your friend.

feature films.

when they make the movie about NHWC, i think that horsefeathers should do the soundtrack.

"Nectar of Innocence"

Man made invention,
You
Are beautiful.
Stalwart companion. Builder of habitats.

You have chosen nothing.
It is the air
So thin
That separates us.
My lungs,
Wet, pink.
Your lungs,
Black, iron coffins.

Drunken on the nectar of innocence, you climb ever higher
To some strange atmosphere.
Arms of steel.
Brains of circuit.

Lies.

A promise to the robot:
I care not, for you.

hair fashion

Well, I get really excited when there is a new post, and no one has had the time to humor me in the time since I left work last night. Thus, here goes: for bad hair and poetry gossip (probably not excitig for you non-poets, but I am a snark, so I love it), one must head to this site. There is even a former teacher of sheehan & I amongst the bad haired poets of the 70s. I have drawn Sheehan's attention to this, and she informed me she was cooking lamb. Don't I sound like a stalker? I'm certain she does not know about this page we make, so I am safe confessing this transgression. I really am starting to sound like a crazy person.

for my co-worker who insists on bringing in chocolates, which I resist until 12:30, then eat.

I know why you do it. But
why
why
why
I didn't want to eat 6 hersey's chocolate squares
with toffee and almonds before eating a proper lunch.

And now my tummy hurts

More Poems

3 Short Poems about Ghosts

1.
each of the phantom members of the famous choral ensemble eat at each other
nibbling at ears and long parts and short parts.
they have bland shoes even as they click against the floor clacking even though a ghost
phantasm specter, O! You are so scary.
singing long tunes in unison about things I can’t understand
because you are a ghost that’s so much different than me because
I am alive
I am so much more alive than you
you dirty ghosts so sinister.

2.
A Dog!
A Dog that’s Dead!

3.
Bloodlust from a seriously angry poltergeist.

ten broken dishes a day
no sleep no more because I’m so scared.
why must you be so annoying?
and why must you be so very chilling in the hallway behind the pantry?
loud and obnoxious uninvited guest
killing my family’s sense of morale.
I worked hard to buy that China you threw against the wall
Such a loud frenzy replaying your death in the basement.

more contests for your writing pleasure

win a month in the south of francefrom this wine company. requires the writing of an essay.

we must all submit

$20,000 baby

conversational minutes, not to be confused with dinner minutes

Perhaps exhausted from a big weekend, our loyal and faithful sally slacked a bit on the recording of conversational minutes. I took up the pen when it became clear she had energy for only the snack record keeping. Hence, late arriving conversational snippets, some more unclear than others.

"cold fusion--cold fusion's crazy"--Steve Ross
"its a desalinated hippie thing."--SLS on ?
"they're like a nutritional cheeto"--Beth on Tings
Steve Ross keeps trying to bring the conversation back to Back to the Future.
"Well, I can't smell them they just look good," SLS on visitor Jon's Saucony Shadows.
Jacob proposes "cockwear" a line of clothing which features roosters and the word "wear" so that one can wear a vaguely naughty clothing without the wrath of school administrators. He claims it will be as big as "Big Johnson" and co-ed naked lines, but more subtle, as it will feature a cock and only the inner label will say "cockwear". He says it will sell out in stores. When faced with the logistics of marketing and creating the line, he gets overwhelmed and suggests we give the idea to someone else to handle, say, for instance, Heather our sister in law. When I say she might take the money and run Jacob declares,"I just want free cockware for life--that's all I'm asking for."
Further smartening up the conversation, 2 week NHWC visitor jacob declares, "feathers evolved from scales."
Siri makes up a little jingle, "beer before wine, makes you feel fine."
Jon offers, "makes the sun shine."
This leads to speculation that this motto might sell more beer in gloomy climes like the Pacific Northwest.
An extensive conversation about Rosie vs. Ellen ends with, obviously, a discussion of their personal lives. We conclude Ellen is the friendlier, less threatening lesbian, and this makes America love her. Thus Ellen wins because she dresses better and has cuter girlfriends. Then the subject of Ellen's crazy girlfriends comes up. I say I think if you can date someone who ends up at a stranger's house in the hollywood hills high on e, you have to question their judgement in the ladies. Jacob defends Heche (and by extension, Ellen), "she's the only person who can fill that space in the universe--more power to her."

And on that highly literary note, I sign off, clear of my note-taking duties.

Party.

Writing characters backward is difficult. I think I forgot my responses and a copy of Beth's piece. Well, the truth of the matter is, is that I didn't see them in my backseat when I left my car, but I retain some vague memory of carrying them out under my arm [is that a comma splice? I'm sad to say that I'm uncertain]. I wonder if I just happened to walk as if I was carrying something under my arm, but in fact wasn't.

This would be utter sadness. I'd be the laughing stock of Milford entire. Ruin! Absolute and total ruin. My dreams of celebrity in Milford high society and small-town politics would be dashed. I can only hope that no one from the Shoreline Chronicle was about practicing their tenebrous trade.

Ah, as Unky Ambrose would declare, “Such is life, young Stephen, such is life.”

Thinking of him now, I’m reminded of the time when Uncle Ambrose attached a cylindrical object to his abdomen. I mean, hello! Totally freaking zany!

A beetle less than a quarter inch long and a sixteenth of an inch wide just landed on my monitor. I love him.

represent.

our girl knows how to rock it.

mad props

yo yo yo! steve ross is in da blogger house! newly jobless and full of renewed nhwc passion! that's how the nhwc rolls.

If you had fun, you won?

Thank you for submitting your poems to NTM. We're honored to
be considered as an outlet for your work. However, we are unable to
use them.

Although a new publication, NTM has received an onslaught of
quality work that we must, regrettably, pass on.

We thank you for submitting to NTM and hope you will continue
to read us in the future. We'd be interested in considering your work
again, 4 months from your latest submission.

Discreetly Yours,

RL & MA

Nuggets of Laffs

The breeze is friggin' nice on such a humid and farty summer day.
Incandescence of beetle powers, magickal coleopteran
bioluminesce with strange symbolic paralanguage.

Each evening is filled with terrors.

This is the last dance of the Ladybird as larva.

reverse psychology

ok guys. i have this groundbreaking idea: let's create a competition within the nhwc to see who among us can submit writing to the most places. we will keep score by the number of rejection letters each member racks up. we can post them here as beth has done. by doing so we will take the sting away and encourage each other to submit like crazy. and since the goal will be rejection instead of publication, we can feel a sense of accomplishment for the sheer volume of submissions we are completing. yes! and who knows, in the process somebody might get a non-rejection. thoughts?

not really related to writing, but hey, we need a new post

So maybe I was telling you about the dudes, Ian & Curt, who I played wiffleball with in Iowa, and how they were making a documentary about corn. Their site will tell you more about it, tho it looks like the trailer isn't up yet. Still, pretty neat, and I think it may interest that farmer sarah, up in the woods.

hey y'all, happy friday.

t-shirt in works

tonight, if all goes according to plan, t-shirts will me made. the gocco will be idle no more! pictures to come soon....

baby books

print out a mini book here

This is awesome! Maybe we can expand our reaches into this realm eventually.

zany new graphic

that's right, the gradual evolution of our blog's appearance has begun in true greyskull fashion.... WRITE ON!

we are a hideous lot

"But listen: most of the good writers out there are ugly. Butt ugly. Plug ugly. Fugly. I'd give you a long list of examples, but this isn't that kind of thing. I'm not interested in research. Research bores me. You know what I'm talking about, anyway. All that literary dogmeat. Except for Faulkner. Faulkner was hot. But he was a drunk." steve almond
more here:
bad news on our beauty

princeton review

50% of the nhwc will be training this evening and in the forthcoming weeks to teach the verbal component of the princeton review sat prep course. i think a t-shirt is in order!

ideat village

I can't seem to get enough. Seems like I might be reading at Ideat Village on Sunday, during one of the thelonius drunk/poetry time slots. (they are 3:30, 5:30, and 7:30) Appropriately, I "booked this gig" when exceedingly drunk, but as I understand it I will read with a band made up of members of the vultures, horsefeathers, carlos projeckt, and the lamb bombs (I could be making this up) backing me up. Collectively, they are know as thelonius drunk. if you can't support me on sunday, do come to the friday horsefeathers gig at cafe nine this friday @ 8 PM. it should be weird, because the bass player will be in new orleans.

I am grilled on the nature of our activities

I was questioned at length this morning about the nature of what, exactly, goes on at our little pow-wows. I said, "writing and the consumption of red wine, mostly."

I was pressed, and revealed that no, in fact, at our meeting on monday no one wrote anything. My boss tried to make me feel ashamed for this. "What did you do, then?"
"Read published essays and discussed them."

"And you think that is FUN?!?" She said incredulously. I replied heartily, "yes!"

Welcome back Farmer Sarah!!!

the prodigal daughter of n.h.w.c./member-abroad/farm correspondent has returned to our folds to grace the nhwc blog with her farm dispatches. hurrah! miss cat for one rejoices!

May 9, 2005 minutes

May 9, 2005 at this point i was merely writing things down for my own amusement. i had not yet appointed myself stenographer.

-i thought we should have the assignment to write an episode of "Let Me Alone, Bruno!"
-bio-mimetic gel
-siri-combine luigi story with milkmaid story
-"you slept with reggie and big head?!?" (siri to beth on the subject of iowa)
-"he's a handsome man" (beth, i believe in reference to big head)
-during a discussion about typing versus handwriting, one member (i won't disclose identity) admitted to typing letters, then making a handwritten copy
-nude peds. (no explanation. exclusively an in-joke)
-"you gotta dream..." with music notes around it (i have absolutely no idea what this means, but it's written in my notebook.)
-permutation of permanence
-miss cat = zenamatronic.
-carrot cake cupcakes (also not sure why i wrote that but it sounds so freakin delicious that i can't even stand it)
-i suggest that the other members write stories about "the sheehan experience" (since i wasn't there and i thought it would be amusing to get each perspective). siri's comment: "i reflect in horror"

monday, june 6 2005 - minutes

all members were in attendence for this meeting. we also welcomed special guest "jacob" and celebrated his birthday in true NHWC style. and oh, what style we have...

on the menu....homemade black bean dip (siri), newman's own garlic salsa plus leftover pineapple from last week, blue nacho chips, oranges, hummus, ciabatta bread, hummus, fat bastard shiraz, beefeater gin, tonic, lime juice

moments of note....
- no one wrote anything. not even steveross.
- beth is really enjoying taking on the role of professor. (i think we all appreciate this)
- "if you had fun, you won" (jacob's 1st grade gym teacher) - this was quoted to siri because she was angsting out about her perfectionism and not even wanting to enter the 20by20 thing because she knows she won't win and blah blah blah
- the moral of anne fadiman's course - tackle something very small. in the microcosm you can cover the macrocosm.
- essay topics: education, love, angst, childhood, family, loss, home, travel, adventure, altered states, trivia, identity
- siri gifted us each with our very own back to the future II movie card
- essays by jonathan franzen and david sedaris (so damn funny i think we all peed ourselves a little)

I lick my wounds (and unpolished poems)

Thank you for your submission to Stirring.

Unfortunately we have chosen other works for this issue.

Since we run a small publication only a tiny portion of work sent to us is accepted, and many fine pieces end up returned merely because of our sizable submissions.

Overall, we really enjoyed your submissions but our editors were split down the middle on them. Half loved every word and the other half felt that some of the poems still needed a little polishing. My suggestion would be to simply send us different pieces! :)

We appreciate your continued interest Stirring and, as always, look forward to seeing more of your work soon.

why can't every night be like nhwc?

let me speak plainly and without shame:
i am having nhwc withdrawl.
reading the minutes is giving me a rather pronounced nostalgia flare-up.
this 'mutual admiration society' we call a blog is a beautiful narcissistic thing....

pool water

I came home last night and my man had the A/C blasting. This morning our windows were fogged up?!? I can see why people don't appreciate swimming when they live at all times in air conditioned environs. I would like to suggest that from here on all clubs meetings are conducted in the pool, except in the event of rain. Also, I may want to play badminton in the pool. Jam outs may be tolerated, but only in small doses. Also, post it notes are heretofore (is this a word?) banned from my forehead.

beth with post-it note as fashion accessory--it's the new black

writing is incredibly hard work

more vegan snacks and crass language

alright. t-storms prevented the enjoyment of the club's new pool. 125% turn out tonight with jacob fish's attendance as guest speaker. miss cat in fine form, as usual. she ate some popcorn with butter and nutritional yeast late into the night while watching arrested development post-group. (she is clearly not a vegan)

thursday may 26, 2005 - minutes

menu:
- snyder's of hanover honey mustard and onion pretzel pieces
- terra chips
- gringo tortilla chips
- desert pepper corn, black bean, roasted red pepper salsa
- fat bastard chardonnay & shiraz
- yellow tail cabernet-merlot (after a run before the liquor store closes because we realized we would definitely be drinking more)

subjects of note....
- pickwickian?
- chuck dick
- "you have to fucking poste-haste read it" (siri, regarding bartleby the scribner)
- three reasons NHWC rules
1. it's free
2. no crazy professors
3. lots of laffs
drunkenness without guilt .... because it's literary
- "blame it on your modern problems" (beth, in reference to ADD)

thursday june 2, 2005 - minutes

- sarah uses as her excuse that she wrote in less than 30 minutes while on her break at work
that very afternoon
- siri uses something old and sarah writes "you're a loser" on it while beth repeats "FUCK YOU"
- siri determines that honesty is NOT the best policy in this group
- "you just ride that tall train" (beth)
- physicists = no (they spend all the time in the lab)
- "you're 98% water and i'm 98% water and that's a beautiful thing"
- ***flashback*** the renaissance of writers' club.....the core goes to the jhumpa lahiri reading, then sits in atticus downstairs getting educated on such things as "felcher"
- siri "....those 10 of 7 things..." after some thought sarah replies, "after 8s?"
- "i feel like miss cat's playground" (beth)

astounding.

it amazes me how awesome we are.

we imagine our wonderfullness

testing, testing 1...2...3